SPATCH-COCK!

Last night, I ate at Tetsuyas, the ninth best restaurant in the world according to S. Pellegrino, the folks that make the scary, bourgeois water.

The food was good, but my god...the meal lasted for FIVE HOURS. I lost count of the courses after plate number 6 but holy christ almighty reel it in folks. Just put all the plates in front of me and let me go at it. If this was the process last night, I would have been in and out in an hour. I wold have plowed through that cold saffron soup and spatch-cock and had the check by 8 p.m.

And that my friends is why I'm high class.

Also, why researching whether spatch cock was one word or two, I came across these alternative meanings of the otherwise delicious game bird (Thank you Urban Dictionary):

1. SPATCH-COCK

A serail drunark who continuously gets smashed, hits on women well above his league, tries anxiously to phone his on/off girlfriend and repeatedly crashes out due to exuberant use of a glass of beer. Welcome to the world of the spatch-cock.

1 beer: Marc says "hows life guys?"
2 beers: Marc says "fuck off ya bawbag"
3 beers: Marc says "Your a chamsie shatner"
4 beers: Marc says " They all want it, every last one of them!"
several beers later: After picking 3 fights with his own pals, Marc decides to wander aimlessly through the night club, hiccupping on his journey, trying to find the nicest girl to get slapped from. "Marc, you alright?"
"Im fine ya cunt"
"gie that burd peace, shes not interested!"
"they all want me, hiccup"
"Marc, were going hame, come on"
"aye wait up, I hate yous, I hate yous aw"
"Aye, very good Marc, ya spatch-cock"

2. spatch cock

Slap your cock so hard the spatch cocked almost pass out with pain

"anyway last night i spatch cocked her and then i had to take her to the hospital...she had 10 stitches"

3. spatchcock

Reddening of the penis after beating off with a spatula