Hookah Hokies.

While walking to the subway in the East Village this afternoon, I overheard a conversation amongst three of the most generic lookin women I have ever seen in my life. They were standing in front of a hookah bar. This is what transpired:

Fat Chick: "Have you ever tried hookah?"
Horse Face: "No, you?"
Four Eyes: "I haven't. I've seen enough people who have tried it and that's enough for me."

I was a little confused. Hookah is herbal fruit. It's essentially like putting your mom potpourri in a bong and smoking it. Four Eyes made it sound like it was some sort of maniacal, orgy-inducing drug. I mean, c'mon - the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland was a hookah smoker - if you can't mold yourself around a beloved Disney character, what can you aspire to (Fun Fact: My personality is an exact imitation of Baloo from The Jungle Book and Tinker Bell from Peter Pan)?

To read more about hookah, go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hookah

It'll make you feel far more mentally superior to these three women if you read the Wikipedia entry.

Grimace is Godliness.

You might remember that a couple of posts ago, I wrote that I would be crafting an apology note to the McDonald's Corporation. As promised, here is that note:

"Dear McDonald's -

Since the autumn of 2004, I have said some negative things about you. I'll fully admit that I fell under the spell of Morgan Spurlock and his documentary "Super Size Me!" But in retrospect, this is what I have to say now: "Super size this Spurlock!" (insert image of me flipping the bird).

What has Spurlock ever given me except a deep fear of eating at a restaurant that can argueably be called the most convinient place on Earth. Has anyone ever been to a city that didn't have a McDonald's? Have anyone ever gotten a meal as cheap as your clientele have from McDonald's? Who cares if the chicken nuggets technically have to be called "chicken" nuggets. First off, "nugget" is a fun word and I think most people would agree with me when I say that just saying "nugget" brings a smile to your face. Secondly, should we really be that picky about whether it's chicken or "chicken"? It tastes like chicken, it looks like chicken...just let it be chicken folks. Stop overanalyzing everything! So McDonald's, thank you for that.

I am currently in a major adjustment period as I have just been transferred to Sydney from New York because of work. Some might call it emotional eating, but what harm does it do anyone if I indulge in a McDonald's soft serve ice cream cone that only costs 30 cents when I'm tearing up due to homesickness? According to the ads on television, that's the same price from 1993, so not only is that cone economical, but it helps drive home the message "keep your chin up kid." Once again McDonald's, thank you.

If it's any added consolation, I held my second grade birthday party at the McDonald's restaurant located on Hefner and Rockwell Avenue in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Not only did I have an excellent turn out of guests (and as a result, ended up with some kick ass presents), it was one of the best birthday parties ever. And again, thank you.

As a call to action for myself, I promise to preach to the masses about the benefits of eating at McDonald's. I'm a golden arches evangelist! Praise Ronald! Give some money to that charity house he runs! Letal injection for the Hamburgler! Vote for Grimace!

From your loyal and reformed customer,
Mary Ann