Oh lordy - I'm a Starbucks loser.

That's right folks - this marks the pinnacle of my lameness. I am actually sitting in a Starbucks "surfing the Internet" and "blogging," as the kids are saying these days.

HOWEVER, in my defense, the house I'm staying at has a wonky Internet connection. The aforementioned wonky connection as led me to this spot at Starbucks, so keep the smart ass remarks to a minimum.

I'll make this quick since I'm paying ten cents a minute for this Internet connection...

I ate at the famous Balthazar's today in Soho for the first time, and it was AWESOME! I ordered the ratatouille omellete* and I must say that I have never had a fluffier, non-greasy egg-related brunch food in my entire life. I'm pretty sure that (insert name of higher power that you personally believe in here) made this particular omellete as it was delicious. I also tried the Oyster Mary, a twist on the Bloody Mary. For those of you that think I ordered this because it's got my name in the title, you are correct. And may I say, I tasted fabulous.

After stationary shopping for the rest of the afternoon, I crashed on the couch for a Law & Order marathon before venturing out to Union Square to write this blog. Hot dog, I love New York!

*For those of you that guessed that my breakfast choice was 100% motivated by the movie Ratatouille, you are correct. Stop judging me! It was a good film!

Start spreading the news...

Today marks the one week anniversary of my return to New York, and can I say, I'm still on a natural high being fueled by the fact that I'm surrounded by friends in the greatest city in the world.

Apologies for not updating the blog. I've been busy catching up with people, etc. Also, I'm currently crashing in a Brooklyn loft with ten other people, so it's easy to get distracted when you have a handful of people to play Nintendo Wii with.

By the way, I've become addicted to Nintendo Wii.

I promise to post more regularly from now on. And expect a lot of restaurant-related posts to come your way. I forgot how much fun it is to eat out, and of course, there are some fabulous restaurants in New York. I'm hitting up Tea & Sympathy tomorrow, so I'll be sure to give you my two cents.

Also, upon my arrival back in Manhattan, I reached the pinnacle of bourgeois - I had afternoon tea at the Plaza Hotel. It was probably the best afternoon tea I have ever experienced, so I highly suggest you check it out.

SPATCH-COCK!

Last night, I ate at Tetsuyas, the ninth best restaurant in the world according to S. Pellegrino, the folks that make the scary, bourgeois water.

The food was good, but my god...the meal lasted for FIVE HOURS. I lost count of the courses after plate number 6 but holy christ almighty reel it in folks. Just put all the plates in front of me and let me go at it. If this was the process last night, I would have been in and out in an hour. I wold have plowed through that cold saffron soup and spatch-cock and had the check by 8 p.m.

And that my friends is why I'm high class.

Also, why researching whether spatch cock was one word or two, I came across these alternative meanings of the otherwise delicious game bird (Thank you Urban Dictionary):

1. SPATCH-COCK

A serail drunark who continuously gets smashed, hits on women well above his league, tries anxiously to phone his on/off girlfriend and repeatedly crashes out due to exuberant use of a glass of beer. Welcome to the world of the spatch-cock.

1 beer: Marc says "hows life guys?"
2 beers: Marc says "fuck off ya bawbag"
3 beers: Marc says "Your a chamsie shatner"
4 beers: Marc says " They all want it, every last one of them!"
several beers later: After picking 3 fights with his own pals, Marc decides to wander aimlessly through the night club, hiccupping on his journey, trying to find the nicest girl to get slapped from. "Marc, you alright?"
"Im fine ya cunt"
"gie that burd peace, shes not interested!"
"they all want me, hiccup"
"Marc, were going hame, come on"
"aye wait up, I hate yous, I hate yous aw"
"Aye, very good Marc, ya spatch-cock"

2. spatch cock

Slap your cock so hard the spatch cocked almost pass out with pain

"anyway last night i spatch cocked her and then i had to take her to the hospital...she had 10 stitches"

3. spatchcock

Reddening of the penis after beating off with a spatula