Monday, October 22, 2007

The Ear Muff Odyssey

One conclusion I came to at an early age was that I can not wear ear muffs. Let me rephrase: I SHOULD NOT wear ear muffs. I can physically wear them. It's not like I have some sort of deformed ear or head issue. It's just that when I put on a pair, I look like a retarded snow bunny. A retarded snow bunny that can only be seen in the midwest. Oddly enough, I am from the midwest and I don't acclimate well to extremely cold temperatures. I find this odd because I spend the greater part (and by "greater part" I mean the entire) summer bitching about the heat and how I love cold weather.

Despite the knowledge that two puffy pieces of fabric attached to the sides of my head is a horrible fashion mistake on my part, what did I do? I went out and dropped $50 on a pair of ear muffs, of course!

On the upside, I don't look as retarded as I did back in 2003 when I last tried on a pair of auditory muffs (that's what I'm calling them now). Plus, these auditory muffs are in a posh plaid pattern, so if worse comes to worse, I can fake my best Scottish accent and pretend that whomever just made fun of my auditory muffs is a total jerk because they not only made fun of what I was wearing but poked fun at my ancestral tartan. After typing that last sentence out and reading it out loud, I have since burned said auditory muffs and invested in a nice hat that can not be described by using a slang term for female parts.

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