Vermont bound.

I'm pretty stoked because in one more day, I'm heading to Vermont for the first time ever. My good friend and road trip buddy Allison is visiting from San Francisco, and we've decided to head up north. Plan on the secrets of maple syrup to be revealed upon my return.

Also, if I can find a baby moose to bring back with me, you better believe I'm going to have a new pet.

I'm not saying Cloverfield, but I'm gonna have to say Cloverfield

Earlier today, I was tipped off about an incident that took place on Long Island this morning. Apparently, this thing washed up on a beach in Montauk:



Are you thinking "What the eff is that?" I am. And I've been staring at the photo for little over an hour. Oh, it's also 4:15 a.m. This is what I do when I can't sleep. I geek out about possible monster carcasses and blog.

So what do you think it is? Rumors are circulating that the creature is a dead dog. If this is the case, I don't ever want a dog. I would never be able to look at it the same way. And if the thing ever got pissed off at me, I would naturally assume it would take the form of whatever washed up on the beach at Montauk and eat my face off.

Others are saying that the monster is a turtle, minus the shell. If this is the case, I now understand why turtles have shells in the first place - they are uggo. Fuggo actually.

I'm going to go with the hypothesis that this is a retarded version of the monster from Cloverfield. Or maybe it's the baby of a bigger monster yet to come. All I know is this - monsters can read blogs so I'm obviously on the list of people to eat if this thing ever emerges from the ocean, I'm hightailing it overseas. They've dealt with Godzilla. They can certainly deal with this.

Koalas.

They stink.

100% Guarantee I'll befriend some wild animals.

Hello reader -

As of 4 p.m. Sydney time today, I will be on vacation in the southwest of Australia, specifically Adelaide and Kangaroo Island. Apparently Kangaroo Island is ripe with wild animals, so it is very likely that I will (at least attempt to)domesticate some of them and bring them back with me. I think it's the only way I'll have any friends in this city - if I train some kangaroos, wombats, koalas and seals to hang out with me.

Some of you will be getting postcards. And for the rest, expect some exciting blog posts upon my return. I'm sure the airport will be full of weirdos and one can only hope that I sit next to a fat guy on the plane journey - that ALWAYS give me material to write about.

Ciao!

It's like animal kingdom...except there is no awkward animal sex or antelopes being eaten. (originally posted on May 11, 2006)

I'm sitting in my cubicle, trying my hardest to not eaves drop on office drama. But I've come to the conclusion that everyone here hates their job and argueably are bat shit crazy. But this is just a hypothesis. I've been formulating it for a while now.

This place is a cornucopia of beasts, the likes that have not been seen outside of the world's best zoos in ages. Well...that's not really true. I mean, I am talking about human beings here. But their voice modulation levels rivals those of zoo noises. They are loud, obnoxious, and frankly, most of them never shut the hell up when they are never saying anything important to begin with.

And to think one of these baboons had the nerve to ask me to turn down my iPod when I was listening to Sigur Ros. God forbid that beautiful Icelandic symphonic noise trump the horriible screeching of the ferret in the cubicle next to me, the incessant chattering of the televisions constantly tuned onto CNBC, or the never ending arguing of at least two grizzly bears at any given point of the day.

All I'm saying is that no one hesistates to drag sick animals into the street and put them out of their misery...just put the word "proverbial" in front of "street" and I think you'll see my point...

I need a proper job. Seriously. Someone hire me.