Wednesday, May 21, 2008

What. The. Hell. (how Snapple ALMOST got put on the same list as G.E.)

I've never believed any of those people on various street corners in major cities of the world that preach that the Apocalypse is coming. I've always written them off as "nut jobs" or "crazies" (although I do enjoy a sandwich board with fun sayings like "Repent or Die!" and the classic "God hates the gays! Repent!").

However, I'm beginning to think that those loonies may be on to something. Why you may ask? Well, I'll tell you: Wendy the Snapple lady is no longer Wendy the Snapple lady. PREPARE FOR HELL FIRE!

Newsday has reported that Snapple and Wendy Kaufman have parted ways after years of working together to promote the (most amazing drink in the entire world) brand. According to Wendy, she was unhappy with the recent contract Snapple offered her and decided it was time to part ways.

First off, here's a little message to Wendy - Do you remember when people like Chris Kattan and Molly Shannon left Saturday Night Live to persue an acting career? And do you remember how well THAT worked?

And to Snapple - What in the hell is wrong with you? Do you remember the summer of 2005 when your attempt to break the record of the world's biggest popsicle blew up in your face? Or shall I say melted? Well, I do. I have fond memories of slipping and sliding on strawberry kiwi syrup all along 17th street. If it hadn't been for Wendy the Snapple lady and her ability to distract me from almost everything within a ten mile radius, I would have slagged off Snapple for good (despite the fact that I'm about this close to having a chemical addiction to Diet Snapple Raspberry Iced Tea).

I feel like it's the end of an era. An era where a portly Jewish lady could whore out a beverage and I would buy into the whole concept. I imagine this is what it felt like when the Renaissance ended. Sigh.

I'll leave you with a classic Wendy the Snapple lady moment. R.I.P.

No comments: