Thursday, January 31, 2008

In China, the phrase "temporary employee" means "retard." (originally posted on April 28, 2006)

So it's 4:35 p.m. on Friday. My boss is leaving early for her daughter's birthday and I have nothing to do. The "nothing to do" part is actually what I do all day. It's my life at work. It's the life of a temp.

People look down on temps, but it's the closest thing to not working that will still pay you. Basically, if you are carrying the title of "temporary employee" you are are also wearing a make believe badge that says "possibly retarded." People don't trust you do to real work, so you spend your days piddling around the Internet. It's a sweet deal, but you don't get health insurance, which I'm certain sis ome sort of conspiracy since I will most likely develop wrist problems from chatting with my friends on MSN Messenger all day.

Since temping, I've developed a multiple personality where I like to pretend to be British. I say "cunt," "twat," "bint," and "slag" like a pro, and it keeps me quite entertained whilst at work.

Another thing I've learned/developed is an uncanny ability to look at only four websites a day. I feel that all of my personal interests are captured in these four sites, thus I do require any more stimulation from the Internet.

I also eat a lot of peanuts now, but that's only because they stock them in the employee kitchen. I like peanuts, so this is a good thing.

I've also learned the difference between an "inbox" and an "outbox" in regards to where mail goes. I already knew the difference, but my boss felt it neccesary to explain this to me. I felt enlightened in the same way you feel after you see someone try to light a fart on fire for the first time and you think "Man. I just learned something."

My boss has now exited the building, and I'm still sitting here writing this entry. I'm going to pack up a few packages of peanuts for the weekend and I'm out of here.

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